I went shopping with my friend to buy him a drag outfit the other day, which turned out to be such a task! At first, I was under the impression that this shopping thing would be quick and easy (which it kinda was, but not really). The dress and accessories we found real quick, the wig store was closed, and finding them damn shoes was a fucking struggle!! Only because we had to find shoes that would fit the feet of a Sasquatch of course.
We weren’t having much luck, so we decided to take a break and get some taco bell. We were talking and eating, as besties tend to do, and I don’t know how it happened, but somewhere in the conversation my friend took an unexpected turn and predicted that I’ll die by the time 55 comes around!
He told me a story of his uncle who died at that age, due to his liver fucking up or something. The man was a lover of the drink, you see. So am I, but this man must have drank hardcore and on the daily! You know, like, alcoholic status? Hunny, that’s what I thought, but I got shut down real quick, when my friend said:
“Yeah, he drank, but not as bad as you”
He drank things like margaritas or, I don’t know, jack and coke and other types of mixed drinks.
I, on the other hand would drink CLOROX, if I knew the shit wouldn’t fuck me over and murder me!
I’m sure this guy liked having a buzz or enjoyed a nice state of drunkenness.
I make it a point to get so sloshed I don’t even know I exist until I wake up the next morning!
To make matters even worse, I am to expect a few long and torturous weeks of pain, immobility and vomit long before I even get to the dying part!! Judging by what my friend was telling me about my habits, I don’t even have till 55! I might as well just not plan on doing anything past my 39th year of life (other than choosing my designer custom made and hand-crafted coffin).
Clearly I’m still young, and healthy enough to do something in efforts to change my fate, but Hunny, do I see that really happening? Nah, girl. I actually had that planned for once I hit 39, but seeing as I will be dead by then, I might as well enjoy the few years I still have, and make the most of them!
Thanks for reading!