Party Time!

The weekend is the best of times to let loose,  not give a fuck and #YOLO… but there are still a few fucks to give when it comes to going out. These are a few rules I go by when I’m attempting to get crunk.

1. Pre-pre game>pregame>going out

My favoritest part about going out is the pre-pre game. Waking myself up and getting all hyped. Blasting my favorite party music, getting out of the shower and getting dressed. Feeling the finished product that is my outfit, and of course, getting my first little drink on!  It’s almost like a pre-meditative thing for me. I never know how the night will unfold, so I have to be mentally ready for anything!

2. Arrive with squad leave with squad

This is definitely true when a cab is involved! It’s very inconvenient when a whole group leaves together and it costs $5 a piece, then when it’s time to go home, booty calls and outside interferences get involved and only a select few are left to pay a now $20 each fare to get back home. There’s something very rude and selfish about that; especially if no one got a heads up before all taxi patrons agreed on becoming taxi patrons with each other. Therefore…

3. Be flexible on how you might have to get home

Whatever that means for you, based on where you live. It might call for oodles of creativity, or something super basic. As for me? My ass always ready to walk.

4. Anybody that buys you a drink deserves 2 minutes of your time at the least.

That is, if you’re one of those people that just can’t help but to always be nice, even when the founding egg and sperm that made you says “DON’T DO IT!” Which happens to be me…but I will say, if I’m offered a drink, I make sure I follow the person in question to the bar to watch my drink get made and handed to me. If it’s a surprise drink I still accept it, but I make for damn sure I know where my friends are. I haven’t been rufied just yet, but better safe than dead in a dumpster with a tore up asshole.

5. Its fine to give your number to any and everyone

Block it later, and keep it moving. They’ll get the hint, eventually.

6. The DD is God

Having that one friend who is always down to drive hammered (OR NOT), is like, a precious thing not to fucks with! Cherish that person and cater to his or her every need. If they don’t ever demand gas money,  THOU SHALT NOT  DOETH ANYTHING that may jeopardize that relationship. If they don’t like open containers in the car, chug that shit and carry on. If they are ready to leave, no ifs or buts, just do, unless you have a booty call or something to fall back on. Then Hunny, by all means…

7. Always have an emergency bf, gf, bff or bodyguard

I tend to get myself in many situations in which I can’t find a way out of. This has landed me in strangers cars, or in their bed, or on dates I so desperately tried to avoid. In situations as the such, it helps a lot having friends who know you better than yourself. They know I tend to wonder off, so if I’ve been M.I.A. for a while and my friend finds me with somebody we’ve never met (or hear a lot of sketchy things about) they know to step in and intervene. You could also just say no to strangers, but who does that?!?

8. You can do bad all by yourself

When at the club, for me at least, my goal is to go dance (and maybe get hit on a little). In a house party setting I totally cling to my friends, but in the club I don’t want to not be dancing just because my friend’s aren’t. Everybody has their own personal agenda when going out. Be it to get drunk, get laid, or be a social butterfly. There always has come a point when the squad just kind of disperses from the dance floor, and I always end up by myself, which by no means hinders me from gettin’ my funk on.

That’s how I tend to meet new people (who lure me into sketchy situations I can’t figure out how to get myself out of).

9. Stall if you need to

I swear, the bathroom is bae! florescent lighting, scratchy paper towels, bathroom poetry, the stench of urine, a sink and a mirror. There’s no better place to freshen up, recollect your thoughts and check in with thy self (and take a piss, obvy!). Going to the bathroom at the club, with a fellow bad bitch especially, is like, the most bond-atious thing you could do on a night out, and honestly, I feel like the bathroom is the one place where a person really realizes how drunk one actually is.

10. Buy someone a drink just for the hell of it

Nowadays it’s such a questionable act to buy somebody a drink, due to stranger danger. I  love buying a shot for my friends or for people who give me life. Like, sometimes I just wanna buy someone a drink just because they catch my attention in a “You’re hot, but I’m not fucking you” kind of way. 

11. Don’t get in a fight

EVER! Unless I see an opening to land the finishing blow, you are on your own. Don’t call me for backup. Until you win, or lose, I don’t know you.

12. Dress your best

like, be hot, but do not dress to impress… unless you’re into clubs with a dress code and standards. My life is pretty basic, but I still like putting an effort into my outfits. However, no matter where you are, there’s always that one guy that gets too drunk and clumsy. Don’t ever dress in something that you would hate to get ruined. If for whatever reason you do find yourself in a situation like this, don’t cry me a river. Hunny, I care more about the saltiness of my street corner fries, than the saltiness of your attitude. Laugh it off.

13. Bond with the people that count

Bartenders, bouncers, the owner… if you can land any type of deal, like free entrance, or simply more liquor in your cocktail, don’t pass it up! We’re all broke here. Get it where you can. Show a titty if u need to. Become a regular.

14. Food. Because, FOOD!!!

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I swear, I'm on a diet… @cocoamonster

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Whenever I have food money, I love ending the night at a waffle house, or an Ihop, or anything that’s open at 4am really. It’s also just a nice time to sit with the posse and talk about how everyone’s night has been, and simply calm the fuck down.

What are some things you always do on a night out??


Thanks for reading!



Hunny, tell me 'bout it!

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