Me day from Hell

I woke up on a sunny Monday morning feeling good about myself and ready to face all the adulting I had to do on my one day off, while I still had some digits in my account. I needed to go into the city and visit the DMV to renew my beginners permit for the 4th time. Honestly, I feel like I’ll never drive a car in my life, but it’s all good.

The DMV didn’t take as long as I thought which was cool, because that just gave me more day drinking at the beach time. Little did I know, there was a weather forecast for a thunderstorm! It suddenly got so windy as I was walking along side the highway headed to the beach. At one point it picked up so hard that my small, helpless and sexy little frame got blown onto the highway. I hit the pavement and immediately pulled some cross fit shit to get back on the sidewalk. Tuck and rolling wasn’t really working out since my back pack was in the way.

Eventually the rain started coming down and I was caught in the middle of all that mess. My attempt of finding shelter simply wasn’t even-ing. I was surrounded by motels and for obvious stranger danger reasons, no one welcomed me into their room. Oddly enough, I couldn’t even find an office or lobby to go to.

I was lucky enough to find a porta-potty to chill in before the storm really got going, so I ended up spending the 2 hour duration of the storm in there.

I left the comfort and safety of my own home with intentions of boozing and beaching, but instead I found myself in a random ass porta-potty chilling with the feces of people I’ll never meet!

I’m very grateful that I found safety from the storm, but I will admit that I’m complaining and very butt hurt about the whole situation… But if I was playing a game of would u rather, we obviously all know what I’d rather: terds>wet hair. #blackpeopleproblems

After the storm let up, I evacuated the porta-potty and went to this one park I love going to. i didn’t know it was homeless people central for the longest time, but now that I do, everything makes so much sense but nothing’s ever happened that would stop me from going back…yet. I sat in the park for a bit and shared my 40 and cigs with the homeless and we just chatted. These people were laying down some knowledge! To my surprise, they told me that they really do love their life. They come and go as they please, they have no fucks to give, they’re broke, have no job and never have any problems. Clearly they envy people with nice things but in general, all they worry about is when they they can shower and eat. They also gave me a cup to pour my alcohol in so I wouldn’t get caught, which was a pretty solid bro move.

It started getting late so I caught the last bus home. I fell asleep and missed my stop and had to walk all the way back. I felt the need to be extra alert, because I was surrounded by forest, swamp and darkness. Anything could’ve ascended from the depths of hell to get me. Eventually, I even got lost and Hunny, there’s not a more beautiful sight to a damn killer than a lost and jumpy little bitch with a dead fucking phone all while being separated from civilization.

I got my ass out of that situation soon enough and found a well lit building with an outlet to charge my phone and call my friends, with whom I was supposed to hang out with anyway. They came and swooped me up like a knight in shining armor rescuing his damsel in distress!

I’m never doing anything nice for myself again!


Thanks for reading!


Hunny, tell me 'bout it!

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